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How should parents deal with young children who are overly addicted to cell phone games?

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Source: Family Dynamic, Marriage and Family Therapist, and Hypnotherapist, Wong Shi Ming

 

Phones emit light and sound, which always attracts children to play endlessly. Some children cannot let go of their phones no matter what they are doing, whether it is eating, riding in a car, or going to school. How can parents solve this problem?

 

First of all, everyone should understand that the children’s reaction is inevitable. Phones can provide a lot of sensory stimulation, and there is no game over. It can be restarted, which gives a sense of accomplishment and can also distance children from the pressure and frustration of parents and school, making them feel invincible. Physiologically speaking, playing electronic games will release a large amount of dopamine in the brain, which excites and stimulates the frontal lobe, and gradually loses self-control. Therefore, many adults cannot control themselves, let alone children?

 

Children can also be drawn to phones without realizing it, which gives most parents in Hong Kong nightmares today. I see many parents and children caught in a never-ending cycle of struggle and frustration. If not controlled, it not only affects children’s learning but also seriously affects their focus, brain development, health, and eye diseases. Therefore, phone addiction will also be listed as a form of psychological addiction, like alcohol and drugs.

In fact, I have seen a middle school student addicted to playing the mobile game “PUBG,” where he had to pick up items on the ground, some of which could be booby-trapped and explode. What caused him to be hospitalized? He was unable to use his hands to hold objects; instead, he had to touch them lightly, which caused him to feel nervous. He was afraid of using his fingers to pick up things. Therefore, if you discover such a problem, you can handle it early and prevent situations like the one above from happening.

Parents have more experience, wisdom, and resources than their children, and you can’t lose as a parent. Your only weakness is that you love your child too much. You may be too soft-hearted, but you need to know that it’s easy to give but hard to take it back. Therefore, parents should first negotiate a reasonable and feasible plan with their children, such as allowing 30 minutes of playtime per day, but only after they finish their homework.

As for controlling children, parents should first choose an appropriate battlefield, avoiding public places, and the best place is at home. Even when taking the phone away, parents should try to avoid physical contact, such as snatching or unplugging the phone cord, which could harm the relationship with their child. Parents should first use a gentle and affirmative tone to warn their child multiple times. If the child still refuses to hand over the phone, remind him of the consequences he agreed to, and eventually, when he falls asleep, you will be able to retrieve it. But parents must firmly execute the consequences without any room for negotiation, even if it means resorting to negative strategies.

To provide a more positive approach, parents can offer opportunities for their children to engage in outdoor activities together and create a family environment that gives children options, a sense of achievement, and a chance to start over, building their confidence and abilities, all of which can help attract children away from their phones.

Finally, many parents worry that if their child doesn’t have a phone while other children do, it could lead to feelings of inadequacy and concerns about falling behind in their development. So, I know it’s not possible to keep kids away from phones completely, but I think parents should try to keep their kids away from phones for as long as possible, especially when they’re young.

At the same time, parents should be careful and not take this issue lightly. With enough creativity and interaction with their children and by remaining persistent, parents can change their children’s habits.

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“Is there a problem with a boy playing with “girl” toys if he likes them?”

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Source: Children’s Play Therapy Instructor Lai Shun-Mei

Little boy likes princess books and models, and also likes pink.

There are many types of dolls and toys that children like, and many parents may worry that their son likes princesses and pink or worry that their daughter likes to play with toy cars. What is this worry? Do parents really need to worry? We are used to seeing girls wearing pink dresses and hats, but when we see them playing with fire trucks and swords, we feel uneasy. This is actually called “gender role expectations” in psychology.

Gender role expectations refer to the social and cultural expectations that certain genders engage in certain activities. Therefore, it is normal for everyone to have certain gender role expectations for their children. But we need to be aware that if we turn these expectations into innate views of certain types of people, it will be easy to get rid of the differences between people and what makes them unique.

“Gender role stereotyping” means teaching boys and girls how they should act and figuring out their interests and personalities based on their gender. Gender role stereotyping can limit their innate potential for development. If we want to cultivate children who have diverse interests, creativity, and a balanced and healthy personality, we must protect their freedom to explore. We especially need to pay attention to whether they are subjected to verbal bullying from others in society during this exploration process.

Parents may also worry about their children’s gender identity. Gender identity refers to the internal recognition of which gender one belongs and the desire to live and express oneself in that gender. This is a personal cognitive development issue. As children grow older and their brains develop, they learn and recognize more about themselves and society, gradually clarifying their gender identity. The choice of toys and colors alone cannot indicate a child’s gender identity difficulties, as toys do not have gender. Whether they choose to play with cars or dolls, they are expressing their imagination and sharing their stories. Therefore, as parents, we should relax and listen to our children’s emotions, and enjoy the time spent playing with and accompanying them.

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How can parents deal with a more self-centered child?

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Source: Registered Clinical Psychologist, Yiu Fong Lee

 

Many parents find that their children can be quite self-centered. When playing games or interacting with a group, they always want others to follow their rules. For example, a 5-year-old girl insists on playing with building blocks while her friend wants to play with cars. In such a situation, what should parents do? If the child becomes unhappy and self-centered, she may throw a tantrum and refuse to play with others. People may perceive this child as stubborn or temperamental. Here are a few methods that parents can consider to deal with their self-centered child.

 

First, it’s important to acknowledge the child’s emotions. Parents can approach the child and say, “Yes, I understand that you are feeling angry and unhappy right now because you really want to play with building blocks, but the other children don’t want to. Does it make you feel upset that you can’t play with the building blocks?” At this moment, parents can try patting or hugging the child, providing a sense of affirmation and closeness, allowing the child’s emotions to gradually calm down. When the child appears calmer, it’s an opportunity to help her move on to the next step.

 

The second step is called perspective-taking or putting oneself in others’ shoes. Encourage the child to imagine how the other person feels by entering their world or role. Parents can engage in role-playing with the child. For example, if the girl was A and the other child was B, the girl can now pretend to be B, and the parent can pretend to be A. The parent can imitate her tone and say, “I don’t want to play! I don’t like playing with cars! I must play with building blocks!” Then, the parent can ask the child, “How does that make you feel?” The child usually responds with, “He always insists on playing his way, and I don’t want to play with him. I feel unhappy.”

Parents can also ask the child, “If that’s the case, do you still want to play with this child and spend time together in the future?” The girl might respond, “I don’t really want to. If that’s the case, I’ll have to play alone by myself, and it’s boring.” Children usually want someone to play with.

 

Moving on to the third step, learning problem-solving. Parents can brainstorm ideas with the child, such as trying a game of rock-paper-scissors with the other child. It could be agreed that this time the winner gets to decide, and next time it could be the loser’s turn. Alternatively, we can switch and combine different ideas creatively. For example, in the case of playing with building blocks, can we play with both the building blocks and the cars? We can build a parking lot with the blocks and then let the cars drive on them. This way, we can play together.

We help the child come up with different types of solutions, but the most important thing is for them to understand how their behavior affects and impacts others, and how they can change their behavior so that others would be more willing to play with them. This is known as prosocial behavior.

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Is your eye sensitive when the seasons change? What is keratoconus?

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Source: Ophthalmologist,Yu Wang Hon

 

During seasonal changes, children often rub their eyes, and their eyes may become watery, mostly due to eye allergies. About 10 to 20 percent of children experience eye allergies, and the severity can vary depending on the season, with more severe cases occurring in the fall and winter.

 

Common symptoms when children have eye allergies include redness of the eyes, eye swelling, frequent eye rubbing, dark circles under the eyes, and excessive tearing. Sometimes, there may also be swelling of the eyelids and conditions similar to eczema on the eyelids. Typically, children with eye allergies may also have conditions like skin eczema, asthma, or nasal sensitivities.

The causes of eye allergies are often related to genetics, but they can also be influenced by changes in weather, humidity, and temperature. Additionally, air pollution, dust mites in the home, and owning pets are common contributing factors.

 

In fact, for the majority of individuals with eye sensitivity, it doesn’t affect their vision. However, a small percentage of children may have more severe eye sensitivity that persists beyond seasonal variations. In some cases, the cornea may become damaged or scarred, leading to vision impairment.

 

As for keratoconus, it’s a corneal disorder where the curvature of the cornea, which is typically stable, continuously deepens in a small percentage of individuals. In the long term, even with eyeglasses or contact lenses, vision cannot be corrected, and surgery or other treatments may be necessary. Presently, for the treatment of keratoconus, a procedure involving corneal collagen cross-linking is used to stabilize the corneal curvature and slow down the progression of deepening.

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Why are children always distracted while eating?

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Written by: Heep Hong Society Educational Psychologist Team

 

Many children aged 4 to 5 tend to look around and fidget during meals because they are not yet adept at using utensils. Additionally, their short attention spans, still-developing sense of time, curiosity about their surroundings, or even a desire to avoid eating may contribute to their lack of focus.

 

Short Attention Spans

Children aged 4 to 5 generally need longer meal times than adults. This is partly because they are not yet familiar with using utensils, which can lead to clumsiness, and partly because their chewing and digestive abilities are still developing, necessitating longer meal times. Furthermore, due to their short attention spans, low self-control, and lack of time awareness, they are easily distracted by their environment. When they become engrossed in something interesting, they may even forget about their meal in front of them, often requiring repeated reminders from parents to continue eating, which prolongs mealtime.

 

 

Parents dealing with children who have short attention spans can try to create a consistent, quiet, familiar, and simply arranged dining environment. They can set a reasonable time limit for meals and remind the children periodically of the time limit to ensure they finish their meals within that timeframe.

Curiosity About the Surroundings

Additionally, some children are naturally “observational” learners with strong curiosity, often learning new things by observing through their eyes. Even during meals, they might look around, continuing to learn. Although this behavior might seem like they are not concentrating, they rarely “forget” to eat; they simply continue eating while indulging in their observations. For such observational learners, instead of letting them look around, parents might consider engaging them with books during meals to foster a reading interest.

 

Of course, there are also “mixed-type” children and those who look around to avoid eating foods they dislike, deliberately delaying or performing small actions to draw attention. Therefore, to address the issue of children looking around during meals, parents need to carefully observe and understand the underlying problems.

 

No Need to Rush Meals

The pace of life in Hong Kong is fast, and meal times are becoming increasingly shorter. Sometimes, seeing children eat slowly can make parents anxious. Ultimately, if time permits, children should be given ample time to chew slowly and savor the taste of their food. Lastly, parents might consider reducing the portion sizes for their children, making it easier for them to finish their meals at the table. This approach can reduce potential conflicts at the dining table and increase the children’s motivation to eat more when they feel hungry.

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How to deal with a bad temper?

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Firstly, we must understand that it is extremely important for children to be able to express the emotion of anger for their development of autonomy. During early childhood (around two to three years old), the developmental crisis is precisely ‘development of autonomy’ versus ‘shame and doubt’ (Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt). What we should address is the behavior resulting from the child’s emotions, not to prohibit or even negate the child’s emotions.

 

Additionally, anger is a common emotion, experienced by both children and parents. When children attempt to express their anger, they often model their parents’ behavior. If parents display anger towards their children, or if there is arguing between parents, children will use these behaviors as important references for developing and controlling their emotions (Bandura, 1977). Arguments between parents, malicious teasing, or even violence can heighten children’s sensitivity to anger and disrupt their normal development (Cummings, Pellegrini, Notarius, & Cummings, 1989). Therefore, for children to have a good temperament, parents must first pay attention to their own ways of interacting.”

What methods can help young children better control and reduce the intensity of their anger? Berkowitz and Thompson offer the following suggestions (Berkowitz, 1973; Thompson, 1990):

 

  1. Ignoring offensive behaviors: If the behavior is aimed at obtaining a specific object (such as a toy), parents should not satisfy the child due to their behavior, nor should they punish them for it; simply not responding may suffice.
  2. Use of a ‘calm down corner’: Set up a quiet area in the home, free from any stimuli or attractions, as a space for children to calm down. When a child has an emotional outburst or behaves inappropriately, they can be sent to this calm down corner. This isn’t necessarily a form of reprimand but a way to allow the child’s emotions to settle, similar to the need to use the restroom; it’s a normal requirement. If used appropriately, when children feel emotional in the future, they might naturally go to the calm down corner to soothe themselves.
  3. Evoking emotions incompatible with anger, especially empathy for the victim.
  4. Reducing exposure to situations or objects that may trigger the child’s anger: Before children have fully developed self-control, reducing opportunities for anger also means reducing conflicts between parents and children.
  5. Explaining the consequences of their behavior.
  6. Examining the causes of the angry emotions.

(Development Through Life, Barbara M. Newman, Philip R. Newman, Wadsworth, 2003, pp. 197)

 

The above strategies can be tailored to different situations. For instance, if a child acts violently out of anger, parents can focus on explaining the consequences and evoking empathy for the victim. If a child is throwing a tantrum to obtain an object, parents can ignore their negative behavior. Additionally, these strategies can be combined; for example, after a child has calmed down in the calm down corner, parents can explain the consequences of their actions. Ultimately, the choice of strategy should depend on the child’s capabilities; for example, explaining the consequences in detail to a child who cannot yet speak might only increase conflict.

 

Once parents have decided on a strategy for each situation, the most important aspect is consistency. Simply put, consistency can be divided into two aspects: firstly, the same behavior should always result in the same outcome, avoiding a situation where ignoring is used one time and scolding another, which can confuse the child. Secondly, every caregiver should use the same approach to reinforce the message that “this behavior is inappropriate.”

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What Beverages Are Healthy?

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Written by: Nutritionist and Fitness Coach, Ms Hilda Yang

 

Of course, children love to cool off with frozen beverages, but do you worry about the excessive hidden sugar in these drinks affecting their health?

 

Pay attention to the nutrition labels on packaged beverages.

 

When choosing pre-packaged drinks, be sure to check the nutrition label. Firstly, for paper-packaged drinks like fruit-flavored beverages and fruit teas, the calories mainly come from their sugar content. To meet the low-sugar standards, as an example, for every 100 milliliters of the beverage, less than 5 grams of sugar can be considered a low-sugar choice.

 

Are natural fruit juice drinks always better?

 

You might think that natural fruit juice is better than regular paper-packaged drinks, but many natural fruit juice drinks are made by mixing concentrated fruit juice with added sugar, making them entirely different from freshly squeezed fruit juice. Some natural fruit juices may claim that the product has no additional sugar added, creating the misconception that there is no sugar in it and is, therefore, healthier for the body. However, the juice itself provides a considerable amount of sugar, so don’t mistakenly think that fruit juice can replace water.

How much sugar intake is considered appropriate? The World Health Organization recently lowered the daily sugar intake, indicating that consuming more than 6 teaspoons of sugar per day for adults is considered excessive! Taking a 240-milliliter cup of natural fruit juice as an example, it already contains 20 grams of sugar, which is equivalent to 5 teaspoons of sugar. Drinking one cup is close to the daily sugar intake limit.

 

How can you drink healthily?

 

Freshly squeezed fruit juice may be a better choice, but you should also limit the daily intake. It’s important to note that one cup of freshly squeezed fruit juice often requires 3 to 4 fruits. Calculating with 80 milliliters as one serving of fruit, consuming a maximum of 2/3 cup of juice per day is sufficient. An even better practice is to blend the fruit pulp, so dietary fiber is not separated, promoting bowel movements and increasing a sense of fullness.

 

How much water should you drink daily?

 

How much water should you drink daily? In addition to plain water, fruit juice, tea, or coffee, soups can also be included in the calculation. According to the Institute of Medicine’s recommendations, healthy men should drink 3 liters per day (approximately 12 cups of water), while healthy women should drink 2.2 liters per day (approximately 9 cups of water). The commonly mentioned “eight cups of water a day” is not far off, but it’s crucial to remind yourself to drink water regularly and in the right amounts for your body to truly absorb it.

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Storytelling education, what can parents do?

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Written by: Senior Early Childhood Education Consultant, Miss Mok Loi Yan

 

Many parents have asked me about storytelling topics that are challenging to explain to young children, such as stories involving death, like “The Little Match Girl,” or stories with violence, like “Little Red Riding Hood.” Due to the detailed depiction of events in the storybooks and lifelike illustrations, children may experience significant fear of death after listening to or reading such stories. They might be unable to express their inner discomfort, and some children even burst into tears after hearing these stories. What was originally meant to be an enjoyable parent-child storytelling time ends up having the opposite effect, triggering a heavy psychological burden on the children and leaving parents feeling guilty and unsure of how to handle the aftermath.

 

Fewer Characters, Positive Plot

 

I advise parents to start by selecting stories that are deemed suitable for a child’s mental and comprehension level from the vast array available in libraries. These stories typically have fewer characters, and a positive plot, and are easy for parents to use during interactive storytelling to help children understand causality and emotions. Stories with fewer characters allow children to focus more on understanding the transformation of the characters’ inner selves, behavior, and values within the story context.

 

Choosing stories with a positive plot helps build qualities such as self-awareness, problem-solving skills, confidence, and analytical ability in children. These positive aspects counterbalance stories with negative themes, bad situations in stories, or the ability to face difficulties in reality. Therefore, unless parents are certain that their children have accumulated a sufficient foundation of resilience from such stories and mental experiences, they should avoid exposing children to stories with terrifying or negative themes until these prerequisites are met.

Inspiring Cognitive Growth and Positive Character Principles

 

Secondly, starting with the educational significance that stories bring to children, it is crucial to steadfastly adhere to the principles of inspiring children’s cognitive growth and fostering positive character development! Regardless of how convincingly the storyteller portrays evil and villains, don’t forget the original intention! Storytelling education is a process of interactive learning between the audience and the storyteller, stemming from the direct description of scenes, associated information, and the shared underlying meaning. These observations, descriptions, awareness, and interactive content arise from the mental and emotional states of the audience and storyteller at that moment, as well as their accumulated personal experiences.

The role of the storyteller in education is highly important. In addition to carefully preparing and reading the story content, emphasizing key points and conveying the underlying meaning clearly, the storyteller should also be prepared to trigger children’s thinking about people and events at certain points in the story. Providing opportunities for the exchange of values in description and atmosphere creation is essential. Most importantly, observe the audience’s reactions while listening to the story and engage in interactive parts that deepen thought and sustain curiosity.

 

Dramatization and interaction should be humanized

 

Thirdly, ensure that the dramatization and interaction by the storyteller have the invigorating effect of being humanized and appealing to innate goodness. Whether in stories or the real world, children face different psychological and situational challenges that provide them with important opportunities for development. These experiences make them happier and more resilient than children who grow up in a sheltered environment. As the guiding light for children, we should equip them with the abilities needed for their journeys in life. Therefore, gradually tailor stories to children’s life experiences and cognitive levels, providing narratives of different levels, encounters, or aspects of human nature for them to hear.

When the storyteller portrays negative characters or delves into psychological crossroads and choices involving human nature, it is even more crucial to vividly depict the inner dialogue of conscience. The storyteller, assuming a narrative role, should provide children with positive consequences as a reference and analyze the relationships between themselves, characters, and situations. When parents engage in storytelling education with children, any decisions made in response to presented scenarios must be voluntary. Allowing children to experiment, face challenges, or find solace in the virtual world is essential. Moreover, it is important to make children aware of the parents’ stance and understand that parents are open to discussion and can be approached for communication! If the interactions spark reflective thoughts on love in children, helping them find their position in these values, the storyteller has successfully illuminated an outstanding life for the child through the story.

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A quick method to calm down young children

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Source: Pediatric Behavioral Therapist, Yip Wai Lun

 

Many times, as parents, when we see our children experiencing negative emotions like anger, tantrums, or extreme unhappiness, we often want to quickly resolve the situation by saying things like, “Don’t be so angry!” or we may scold them, sometimes even yelling, “Shut up right now!” or using a countdown like “One! Two! Three!” to command them. Some parents may try to reason with their children, saying, “We shouldn’t behave like this; we should stay calm.” However, these methods are not always very effective. Why is this the case?

 

It turns out that this is closely related to the structure of our brains. Understanding the brain’s structure can be very helpful in parenting. If we are familiar with two specific parts of the brain, it can aid us in disciplining our children. The first part is called the amygdala, which is a pair of almond-shaped clusters located in the posterior part of our brain. When we are startled or feel threatened, the amygdala sends signals that prepare us for either a fight or flight response. The amygdala operates on a reflexive level.

Another part is called the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for our flexibility and empathy. However, the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex cannot function simultaneously. The development of a child’s prefrontal cortex takes place from around the age of two to over twenty years old before it fully matures. Only then can they understand your reasoning and consider your thoughts and feelings.

 

As a result, most of the time, children are primarily influenced by the two amygdalae. This is why you often see children experiencing various emotions, becoming easily agitated, and prone to tantrums.

How do we stop the amygdala from functioning? This is very important. The way we make the amygdala stop functioning is by helping children express their emotions, especially when they have negative emotions. As parents, we should help them speak out, for example, saying, “I can see that you’re very unhappy,” “I can see that you’re very disappointed,” or “You seem very sad.” Because when you express and describe their feelings, their prefrontal cortex will send soothing messages to their amygdala, causing the amygdala to stop functioning immediately.

 

Whatever you do, don’t react negatively! When you see that your child is emotional, express your own personal feelings as a parent: “I’m really angry!” “What you did is not right!” or “I feel upset!” Doing this will only stimulate the child’s amygdala and make them more resistant. So the first step in disciplining children is not to control or teach them, but to first connect with their emotions and then readjust.

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Delaying Tactics for Cultivating Children’s Patience

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Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist, New Horizons Development Centre

 

Hong Kong is a society abundant in material wealth, but due to the overabundance of resources, when children have needs in life, parents quickly provide them with ample supply, allowing them continuous satisfaction. However, parents satisfying their children’s needs too quickly can have a negative impact on them, failing to cultivate their ability to endure, and over time, their patience may become limited.

 

Utilizing Emotional Intelligence to Cultivate Children’s Patience

Delaying gratification or the fulfillment of life’s needs is an important part of developing emotional intelligence (EQ). If parents are accustomed to quickly satisfying their children’s needs but then complain about their lack of patience, such criticism is unfair to the children, as their patience has simply not been nurtured.

 

How can one delay the fulfillment of children’s needs? To train children’s emotional intelligence, the secret is “neither using the cane nor the carrot,” meaning that neither corporal punishment nor frequent rewards are necessary. Instead, patience and the ability to wait are cultivated through daily life experiences. Parents can try the following examples:

 

Example 1: When parents and children go to a dim sum restaurant, there is no need to let the children eat whatever they like immediately. Parents can ask the children to wait for 5 minutes after finishing one basket of dim sum before eating a second type; or they can require the children to wait until the parents have eaten a portion before they can eat. In this way, parents and children take turns eating the dim sum.

 

Example 2: When children ask their parents to buy toys, parents do not need to purchase them immediately. They can explain to the child to wait a few hours, days, or a week before buying, asking the children to wait patiently.

Example 3: When children return home from the street, do not let them turn on the TV immediately as they please. They must be asked to put away their shoes and socks, drink a glass of water, and sit on the sofa for 3 minutes before they can turn on the TV.

 

Example 4: When children go out with their parents, do not let them rush to press the elevator button immediately. Parents can ask them to wait for the parents to go out together, walk to the elevator together, and then press the button.

 

 

Parents Must Be Consistent and Credible to Train Children’s Intelligence

 

These are just a few examples. Parents must make good use of the “dragging tactic” in life’s details. Using the dragging tactic does not mean denying or refusing the children’s needs, but rather not satisfying them immediately. What parents need to pay attention to is that when using these tactics, they must follow through with what they say. No matter if the children act spoiled, throw a tantrum, cry, or scream, parents must stick to the principle of “dragging”; additionally, parents must also be credible and do what they have promised the children.

 

Furthermore, when children make requests, parents can ask the children to explain their reasons, which not only trains their emotional intelligence (EQ) but also their intelligence (IQ). By putting a little more effort into the details of children’s lives, parents can effectively help train their children’s emotional intelligence. Parents might as well give it a try!